——————-

(Overheard on the 6:40 To Croton Harmon)

“She been at my house for a week my nigga…”

“A week?”

“Yeah, she been there since I had the cable cut off. I’m about to turn that shit back on though. Tired of that bitch being in my house…”

(5 minutes later…)

“Told you, my nigga, ignore that shit. Act like that phone ain’t even ring. When she say, ‘Why you ain’t call me?’ just tell her ‘I’m callin’ you now, right?’ And if she keep up with it, or say some shit you can’t come back from, hang up. Her insecurity will be eatin’ at her my nigga.”

(3 minutes later…)

“…yeah, I’ll throw you some bread to get ya nails done, but you need to be hiding them toes. Shits is mad long like fingers. She can pick shit up with them, for real my nigga. I told her, you don’t need them done. You need to cover them shits up.”

(3 minutes after that…)

“I go to _______ house yo. She got her own crib. Whenever I need to get off the streets, I chill there.”

“She work?”

“Fuck no she don’t work. Her kids is dumb, kna mean, so she get a FAT check. Her fridge always stay stocked my nigga.”

Now before I go on with this, I need to let you guys know that I’ve had a pretty bad fucking day at this point. Had I not had a pretty bad fucking day, I may have found some of this never ending spew of misogyny sorta funny. Hysterical actually. Like…

Who ARE these worthless women that these dudes are talking to? And who are these dudes?
Are they Don Draper or some shit?

So I peeked over.

Wow.

Du-rag. Long dingy tee shirt. Plaid shorts from ten years ago. Dirty sneakers. Scruffy. Need a shower and a shave bad and yet…I had the feeling that he was telling the truth.

Those women really do let him treat them that way.

*Phone ring*

The other one checked his phone and winced a little before answering.

(Sweet as pie…) “Whats up Ma? I ain’t heard from you in a minute. What’s good with you?…. Nothing. On the Metro-North. What you been doing with your fine self? ….. oh word? … nah, I’m sayin’, I called you a few times…. you ain’t answer. Must be something wrong with the phone…you on AT&T?”

….WE INTERRUPT THIS EARHUSTLE FOR A TEST FROM THE EMERGENCY “THAT NEGRO IS SO FULL OF SHIT” BROADCAST SYSTEM. THIS IS ONLY A TEST…

I didn’t even realize I was glaring at dude like a kid who’d rolled in the dirt in his Easter suit. He realized it though.
Meant to tell him that look wasn’t for him…he just reminded me of a big ol’ attitude that I hadn’t quite gotten over about this one time… “AT&T”’s service was SO BAD that, apparently…you can totally miss ten calls.

Yeah. Ten. (heavy sigh)

Anyway…

(Two days earlier…)

“…So I told him, you wanna be fat, then you’re going to date fat gay guys. If you want the hot, attractive gay guys, you have to be hot and attractive. Get your lazy ass to the gym.”

I already knew this. It’s an accepted fact amongst gay men. I mean, the other night, I was in a room full of hot gay men, all of which who were either 40 or close to it. They all looked 31… one of them could probably pass for a hard 29.

“So why don’t straight men look like this?” I asked. “Is it just because women let them get away with that getting sloppy shit?”

“Unfortunately, it’s always been skewed towards security for women. Finances. He makes more, he dictates what’s comfortable to him. He’s the husband you’re afraid will walk out and leave you with the kids. There are plenty of women out there who’ll take him if you don’t want him. The playing field is different. And if he wants to sit around and become sloppy and lazy, he will do that. That’s not the case with gay men. We’re both men. We both make money. We’re both independent. If you leave, there’s a whole club full of younger, cuter, hotter. But to keep yourself competitive, you need to keep yourself up. Most men are assholes that way. Like attracts like.”

(Anyway…back Assholes #1 & #2. When we last left off, Asshole #2 was talking to some chick and …)

“You know what… I know you ain’t just call me to talk all this shit? I’mma hit you back.
Nah…I’mma hit you back.” He looked at plaid shorts.

“That’s how you handle these bitches, my nigga.” he said, as if this was the gospel.

Now, I could handle this two ways. 1. We, as women, are fucked if this is the norm or even the subconscious of the male mind or 2. These guys are exclusive assholes and this behavior only applies to them.

Right. Well…

I’m a big believer in the law of attraction, and that particular day, I’d been attracting all sorts of nasty, vile people to me, basically because I was in a nasty, vile mood and…well… misery loves company. So it didn’t really surprise me that I was sitting next to these assholes.
What surprised me was, the first thing I thought about was “those poor girls”.

Then, I thought about it some more. Wait a minute. In order to attract THIS type of dude… you can’t be the nicest person on Earth. I mean, if the law is true, these chicks were probably pretty grimy too.

And if that law is right, then gay men stay hot, strictly because they’re giving off that swagger. That “hot gay dude swagger” and more flock to the circle.

Like being a popular crowd of kids, (who are secretly insecure but hide all that shit with clothes and self importance), who is gonna flock together? More of the same.

Now if this is all true, this got me to thinking… exactly WHAT the hell am I attracting?

Exactly what I asked for…OR… was I attracting what I WAS?

The Law Of Attraction works like this. Even if you don’t want something…if you ask for it, you got it coming to you.

So…if you say “I don’t want attention from unavailable dudes.” Your phone will ring off the hook with married guys. (Trust me on this.)

Or if you say, “I don’t want to seem like a pain in the ass…” You get the point.

So if on that particular day… hell… in the past ten years, I’d been attracting assholes with swagger…did I actually ASK for them?

And the answer was… yes. I completely fucking asked for them.

I’d say things like, “He’s a great guy, but I’d walk all over him. He needs to be a little bit of an asshole. I NEED A MAN WHO WILL FIGHT BACK AND KEEP ME ON MY TOES..”

Oh I got that all right. Over and over and… even when I took a break from dudes, once I returned to dating.. again with the Asshole Swagger. I couldn’t shake it.

I mean, to the point where they actually SAY they’re Assholes. I mean, OUTLOUD.
And I thought that was… cute?

Then I began to have that Kaiser Soze moment from “The Usual Suspects”.

I started hearing the voices of dudes I’d dated floating in my head…

“I’m an asshole…I’ll fully admit that.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time somebody called me an asshole…”

“Women tend to think I’m an asshole…”

“I’m a nice guy with a little bit of asshole…”

Wholly. Fucking. Shit.

This blew me away to the point of me having to leave my apartment before I drove myself crazy…so; I put on some sneakers and ran it out.

Ran to my favorite spot, sat on my favorite bench, got really quiet and did what my Mother taught me to do.

“Snuffy, if you don’t like something…change it. Stop complaining about it. Period. Point blank. End of conversation.”

So I stayed there until I changed the frequency. In a form of a prayer…something like this…

“So, the assholes were fun, but I’m done with that now. I’d like something in a size… fun and respectful. Inclusive, where we share the same worlds, have fun together and I’m not always “on my toes”. I’m tired of being “on my toes”. I want to relax. Keep the assholes away please. They were fun in my 20’s (were they really?) But I’d like a good dude now. I won’t walk all over him, because I’d respect him too much for that, which means, I am pledging not to be an asshole myself. Thanks.”

Figure it out asshole.

Sat there till it took hold, till I allowed this in and made it a belief (like I did the “asshole swagger” thing), and then came home.

First things first, I thanked my FB friends for telling me not to give up, (even if they had no idea what I was talking about)… then took notice of something… odd.

Two of the assholes quoted above LEFT FACEBOOK. Or at least defriended me.
I mean, gone. Poof. They were there yesterday. Today? Not so much.

Five plutonic “good dudes” contacted me to make sure I was good. Not in a “lets go out on this date..” vibe, but genuinely good dudes . Whose wives I know or who are old friends or … whatever. The point is…GOOD DUDES just started…showing up.

And just like that… everything changed.

……………………………………………………

“We can go eat at my house my nigga. She still there, I’ll tell her to cook before she break out.”

“Nah. I’m going to roll this blunt and then bounce my dude. I gotta go check on this chick yo. She salty.”

“Man …I told you. You too soft. Fuck these bitches.”

“Nah…this one’s good. I’mma get up with you tomorrow…”

And with that, he gave his boy a pound, looked at me and exited at Marble Hill.

Wow. There’s hope.

(Sixty seconds later…)

“What’s up Ma…”

“NOT A FUCKING CHANCE IN HELL.”

..and I promptly exited at Spuyten Duyvil.

————
Nyree Emory is co-host of talk radio show Chocolate Cake Radio – where actual black women talk about sex, love, relationships, and other vital concerns. don’t believe the hype! listen to the real cake. http://www.facebook.com/choccakeradio

They say that it takes about 7 years 4 u 2 recycle all the cells in your body. This took place abt 2 Pierre’s ago.

Chakaras & I went to art school together. We had several small adventures during the time we knew each other… our last big one was a road trip to the Million Man March in October 1995.

I was inspired to get this photo essay/album scanned and uploaded by his untimely passing last week. It’s dedicated to him, his memory, and all of those whose lives he touched.

You always hear the cliche about the journey and the destination. We’re all destined to end up in the same place, but i am thankful that our journeys crossed paths at some point. I am better because of it. Thank you, Chakaras. rest in peace.

Our Last Big Adventure

Red Clay: High and Low from Shawn Peters on Vimeo.

“A new performance art project that we have been working on with RED CLAY called High and Low, the name is based on the Kurosawa film with the same title. We take High art to common places and see what reactions we get.” – Shawn Peters

Come join us for a movie night featuring offbeat 2007 indie flick Great World of Sound: directed by Craig Zobel. As always: FREE movie, light snack, loose and comfortable mood.

“Great World of Sound” follows Martin (Pat Healy), as he applies for a job at a company training prospective “music producers”. During training he pairs up with another new employee, Clarence (Kene Holliday), a middle aged man trying to change his career path. As record producers, the two travel to towns where the company has placed newspaper ads to find undiscovered musicians. They are seeking talent for the record label- signing new artists and giving them a chance to let their music be heard… for a small fee. It’s going great at first, but soon Martin and Clarence begin to question whether the company is as virtuous as it promises to be in its promise to give people their dream.This film evokes the image of the traveling salesman- a talent salesman- to address the increasing trend of people looking for a shortcut to fame. The film also examines the people who promise such an easy path- commenting that a “scam artist” rarely believes they are one, and that often the scam artist is being scammed himself.

This event is brought to you by exittheapple in conjunction with Westnorth Studio and is sponsored by Station North Arts Inc.

The Black Box: Baltimore’s African-American indie filmmakers search for an audience | Baltimore City Paper.

Click Here to listen/download the mp3
**Explicit Language**
As we celebrate on this day, remember the fallen, and connect with friends and family, let’s keep in mind that certain stories continue to be untold … right now for instance gays and lesbians in the military are fighting for the country but still struggling for their rights.

For further info, check out Bloods: Black Soldiers of the Vietnam War, an oral history.

If you’d like to make an audio response please call the number on the posters, any response you feel would be welcome. I will be posting the audio responses when I have completed the entire art piece. Thank you for taking part.

Please feel free share this link or to download the PDF and print/post these posters wherever you see fit.

(2 more posters after the jump)
Click here to download a multipage hi-res PDF containing all three posters

This weekend we will be screening indie film sensation “Medicine for Melancholy,” a film by Barry Jenkins. A love story of bikes and one-night stands told through two African-American twenty-somethings dealing with the conundrum of being a minority in a rapidly gentrifying San Francisco.

bring your witty retorts, jokes and insightful commentary and we will bring the movie & some healthy snacks. its all free!

location & time:
westnorth studios, 106 w. north st,
8pm on saturday may 8th.