- Dear guy with missing tooth laughing at the duct tape situation my tail light is in: he who haseth not teeth is in no position to laugh publicly about anything.
- Dear record store I miss you.
- Dear ears, dude are you slowly going deaf? If so tell me but tell me really loud cause I can’t hear too good.
- Dear supermarket can we get rid of those dividers? Are they really necessary? This is my stuff right here, all that stuff way back there not touching my stuff is her stuff. I mean really, are you that fast that one day you just rang up everyone’s stuff together? [Read more]

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I’ve tired desperately to attach this story to something to make it some how more relevant or witty or give it a moral. I realize now that some things just ARE.  Like a slug in a middle of parking lot.  They don’t make sense but there they are. Why would a slug try to cross a parking lot? It’s always fun to be the hero of the stories you write even if you’re self depreciating. Somehow you find a way to make even your shortcomings shine. Well this isn’t charming, and I’m not the hero in the end and I don’t win. In this story no one really wins.
It’s just like the slug in the middle of the parking lot .

A friend and I were riding to the post office with about 5 bags filled to the brim with packages to mail off as was the ritual at the end of every day we work at the warehouse. We were stopped by a light and at the corner in the open space between the gas station and the curb were 2 children with bikes. My eyes would have not caught them had it not been for how small one of the children was. They both had dirt bikes but the smaller child seemed dwarfed – somehow he was riding the bike but could barley reach the handle bars. His hand couldn’t even wrap around the handle. It would be the equivalent of an adult trying to put their hand around a half spun roll of toilet tissue.

Me and my friend in the passenger seat smirked at how silly it all seemed, this child’s dedication to being out and on this bike that clearly he was too small for just seemed funny.
Then coming across the street were 2 women. One was holding a child the other was just stomping mad, her anger clearly pointed at the smaller of the 2 children.  Somewhere in the back of our minds we thought that universal childhood theme:  “oooh hes gonna get it” [Read more]

- Dear late 80’s early 90’s r&b group, I cant really sing but if I can dress up like you, learn the choreography and just be the guy that says “whooooooo” at the end of the breakdown of a slow song ill be eternally grateful.
- Dear person who says “ValenTimes day” instead of ‘Valentines day’ you should officially receive nothing on this day as you are not pronouncing it correctly. Instead, you should have a holiday called “ValenTimes day”where you receive the empty wrappers of candy and presents from those who do pronounce it correctly.
- Dear fluffer, you are the unsung hero. I salute you from a distance with my clean hand LOL
- Note to self: its ok when asked about your weight to say your putting on pounds for a role in a film.
- Dear pseudo righteous poet type dude, I don’t think here in public is the best place for the ” do you know how good an enema is for you” conversation. PS please stop calling my son “my seed” its just feels weird.
- Dear rasta I’m curious. In my youth I probably devoured  enough chew sticks to decimate a rainforest and build low income log cabin housing for the inner city.  But I still don’t know where chewsticks are made and how they are flavored. Do you? [Read more]

Excuse the brevity and scattered nature of what you’re about to read. It’s late/early. The sun has not yet come up.  These are the moments I must salvage to be creative – I’m up editing a documentary and planning for the website and my plan was to also edit the three (count them: 3) new baby blogs that were all unfinished because the baby has been sick.

This being our first baby and our first sickness we work in our strengths. My wife does everything and l look worried and ask what can I do.

Since I don’t have the body full of milk and the hairier face I am the legs of the family. The “could you get me the…”  guy  I’m also the “oh and don’t forget the…” guy and more often the  “did you remember to…” dude.

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Bernie Mac (1957 – 2008)

I remember the first time I saw George Carlin. I was maybe eight years old, and was flipping though channels at my father’s house. I came across this bearded man speaking to a large crowd of young people. In my mind he was a professor and those were his students… my father being a professor at Hunter College at the time was my only point of reference for that dynamic. He seemed almost too smart to be a comic. I remember watching him & being fascinated by the way he used words and thinking what school is this? Clearly he is teaching but what is the subject? And how fun it must be to be one of his students.

He will be remembered.

He left so much good stuff to for us to marvel at.

I would’ve loved to have been able to tell him to his face how much what he had to say and how he said it meant to me.

He is one of the greats.

A friend of mine told me that I need to “dream bigger.”
She was right, it’s a common trap.
We (as adults) often can’t see past the restrictions that experience has handed us thought the years. We dream with limits. Dream, and let the world limit you if it can.

The other thing you need to practice is having your own dream. If you wish for something someone else wants you will never be at peace.

6/15/06
Here we are with summer around the corner and you know what that means. It’s WEDDING SEASON!

As fate would have it i was looking through old folders on my computer and came across the outline for what was to be the follow up book to “bullshit or fertilizer” its called “the Book of LIKE: know hard feelings” and it’s about love & relationships, approached with the same no bullshit tactics as the 1st book. i chose not to release it because at the time i felt that would be a bit obnoxious to assume what works for me is THE right way. i gathered that from the opening disclaimer, which is so far one of the longest and most fully written sections of the book. i am by no means an expert however what is compiled is (in my opinion) some really great collected wisdom.

well in the intervening years between writing and rediscovering this material, i have been blessed to be privy to a lot of sob stories dealing with relationships. knowing that not everything works for everyboby and that i am still entitled to my opinion, i have chosen to release the book. i can only hope this book does for relationships whats BS or F did for those on the hustle: support, affirm, inspire, and make folks think. i have alot of rewriting and editing to do, not to mention some illustrations but my goal is to have it out by Valentines day 2007.

i humbly ask those of you who read this blog to hit me up (here or at info-at-exittheapple.com) with ideas, questions, or situations that you feel would be worth addressing in such a volume.

here’s a quick nugget: if you’re thinking about getting married, and you’re still asking if you should? then you probably shouldn’t.

4/17/06

Over the past few months I’ve been watching several historical films that deal with race in America (a solders story, crazy in Alabama, glory, in the heat of the night) and at the same time have been mulling over in my head the use by both public figures, my friends and myself of the word “nigga”

What is it about that word that’s so attractive?

Why is it ok to say it on TV and you cant say “shit?”

It’s supposed to be such an ugly word but it feels like it’s becoming increasingly common in our pop culture. My mind instantly flashes to a club that my friend took me to that was populated primarily with white people who where all dancing and having a good time and then the DJ spun the #1 song in America at the time which was “gold digger” by Kanye West. Everyone went crazy, as was the tradition at the time and started singing the song VERY LOUD! Tension built as the hook approached and to every ones credit no one said “nigger” but Kanye.

Which brings me to the question why? Why is ok for any one to use it? I mean, sure we can say whatever we want I’m not challenging that. I’m challenging the hypocrisy of it being called an ugly word but still being used casually. I don’t know how many interviews and talk show appearances I have heard people/artists say “when you use it enough it takes the power out of it” or “we use it for a term of endearment”

2 thoughts run through my mind
#1 we still got a lot of healing to do(not just black but this entire country)
#2 we are not being creative enough.

There were several words besides “nigger” that were used to denigrate and demean us that I feel should be used more often until the power is taken out of them, as well. Here’s a short list
- spade
- jigga bo
- tar baby
- egg plant
- spook
- sambo
- chimp
- ape
- snow flake
- spear chucker
- booty scratcher
- coon

Really try substituting those words in your mind for how you’ve herd the word nigga used.
“yo, that’s my Jigga bo”
“where my tar babies at?”
“all the real fly coons throw your hands up”
“ I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger be she ain’t messing wit’ no broke spear chuckers”
See. Its got a little sting to it that I think “nigger” has lost…and if all else fails emphasize the “ER” that was at the end of “nigga” before it was dropped for the “A”