november 28 2003

every year around this time, i end up having to answer that question for a family member who still doesn’t get it. i hate that question. it seems to prioritize work before life itself. this years answer is: ‘i breathe for a living.’

what i’ve been learning of late is, to be comfortable as a self-employed artist, you’re going to need a healthy amount of overconfidence… something slightly beyond just believing in yourself and more along the lines of pure arrogance in your abilities. it’s a commodity that you cannot fake or purchase. if you walk into a place looking to be put on and your work says “i’m a genius” but your face says “i’m insecure”… guess what? no job.

there’s simply no room for doubt. for anyone to believe in you, you must first believe in yourself.

November 3, 2003

There is nothing like hearing gunshots going off out side your window to make you think about the fragility of life. We all live life like we have tomorrow to find happiness. And tomorrow is NOT yours. All you ever have is right now. You will never find satisfaction and happiness outside of yourself. Never! Being happy or satisfied is not a thing that happens to you it’s a choice. Be happy.

October 19, 2003

We all want and need to be liked, to some extent. When we create work, we try to do our best, and hope that people like it. But one of my biggest hurdles of recent is getting over that need. I’ve had to remind myself that people liking you has nothing to do with you.

A lot of the people I admired and looked up to growing up were not liked in their time, or even their lifetimes. Muhammad Ali, Van Gogh, Malcolm X, Jimi Hendrix, and many others took strong political or artistic stances that we admire today, but in their time, were widely unliked.

Wanting to be liked can become a trap. Everything has suffered for this need for acceptance… music, movies, politics. No one says the unpopular thing in fear that they will not be liked. No one takes the risk of being themselves, in fear that their truth is too ‘ugly’ for mass consumption.

Not many people like the truth. Fewer still might like yours! And so what? The question is would you like yourself (and your work) if no one else did?

It’s your imperfections that make you perfect. It’s the things that you do wrong that give you character. If every one likes what you do it’s probably a piece of s***. Don’t believe me…think of all the stuff out there that everyone likes.

10/11/03

We have every option open to us. We can do anything. But we’re trained to look for a quick and easy solution that will let us go back to our ordinary lives, and it doesn’t work that way. If you want to do something, you’re going to have to be dedicated and committed. You have to keep at it, day after day. We all know what needs to be done: it’s educational programs; it’s organizing; it’s activism. That’s the way things change. You want a magic fix that will enable you to go back to watching television tomorrow? It’s not there.

–Noam Chomsky

9/18/03

Success is like that girl in high school that everybody wanted. The more you go after her the more she ignores you. Every once in a while she’ll mess with the ball players and rich kids but she gets bored with them and doesn’t let any of them hold her hand for too long in public. The way to get to her is to do you. Work on your self and you will garner attention. Her curiosity will be piqued and she’ll come to you and approach you as an equal. Be what you desire and you will never want it.

9/7/03

Folks act like revolution is something you go to or something that happens outside of yourself. Understand this…if you were a revolutionary in whatever it was you do right now you would never have to go to another march or protest ever again.

9/1/03

Having faith is easy when you have everything. True faith and trust comes when you have no reason to trust….like when you have no $ and you owe $… or like having 2 jobs you don’t want. That’s when it matters the most to visualize yourself as successful. Make sure to be specific. And don’t “hope” …”KNOW.“

Just like you “KNOW” that the TV will turn on when you press the remote. You trust the actions of having put the batteries in and you trust in powers at work that you can’t see to turn it on. We should at least have that amount of trust and patience with ourselves. Instead we give our power to those things animate and inanimate outside of ourselves that dictate their power to us…the government, clocks, money.

Our collective imaginations need exercise.

SO along with patience and working smart I dare you to be that thing you wish. Then BE IT and stop fronting. Please know that you are never given vision past your ability. If you can see it own and trust that vision. And if you shocked by your own success you’re not doing it right.

7/14/03

I got this jewel from my mom the other day. She said when she goes to work she takes her time on the highway, stays patient, and never changes lanes no matter what the traffic is doing. She remembers how she used to change lanes frequently, and dodge in and out. Now she sees people do that and they always end up behind her. Everyone always tries to get ahead by cutting other folks off and getting into any clear space they see. But when every one moves to the clear lane, that lane then becomes crowded. And presently, the lane she is in becomes free and advancement is possible.

Stay focused, be patient, stay in the lane you’re in.

7/02/03

2 weeks ago, I went to see a friend of mine perform, and after the performance my bike was stolen. This is after having many opportunities to leave, checking on it twice, and turning down a ride home. This is the same bike that got me fit for the summer, the one that I bought with the “BS or F printed in Japanese” money. It was at least 12:00 am & there I was, stuck with few options.

The surprise for me was I wasn’t fazed, not a bit. When I got home that morning I almost forgot to tell Jamyla. I just couldn’t muster emotion over a thing. It was really wonderful to discover that about myself. I figured I did my part: I locked it up. But it’s not mine. None of this is… your sight, your hearing, your ability to speak, your strength… all these things will be taken from you in time. There is only right now, and right now I’m chillin.

It was a great lesson about priorites and possession, but more than that it brought me to a theme that has been constant in my meditation of late. To look for teachers. They are all around you. Sometimes they don’t have your best interests in mind, but they still teach you about yourself so thank them if you can.

So to the person who has the bike, I’d like to say thank you for that moment, and the left hand brake needs to be tightened

6/14/03

I love you. If u don’t hear that from no where else today u hear it here

I’m learning how to say that to folks. Not very courageous doing it over the internet to faceless masses, but it’s a start. And I figure some folks go for weeks and months with out hearing it addressed to them. Especially dudes, we don’t say it to each other or anyone. It’s weird I guess there’s no real hard core masculine way to say “love u” to another guy, and if you tell that to a female they might think that you’re trying to push up on them. But you know what…I can’t care about what MIGHT happen.

I LOVE YOU.

muthaf**ka