A friend of mine told me that I need to “dream bigger.”
She was right, it’s a common trap.
We (as adults) often can’t see past the restrictions that experience has handed us thought the years. We dream with limits. Dream, and let the world limit you if it can.

The other thing you need to practice is having your own dream. If you wish for something someone else wants you will never be at peace.

1/10/05

If you haven’t this year yet, you should be quiet. If you get a chance, take a day to yourself and don’t talk all day. It’s actually fun.

There is alot of power in words that i think are taken for granted. Often times, i feel we speak realities into existance with out forethought. That can be dangerous if we tend to be self-deprecating.

In my quiet time last week, i chose to reflect on the fact that our collective memory is very short when it comes to suffering in the world. Remember Somalia, remember Rwanda, remember our troops, remember AIDS, remember child labor and sweat shops? Remember Chernobyl, remember the homeless, remember geneticly altered foods? Remember the election, remember reperations, remember the Unibomber, remember Columbine, remember South Africa, remember Haiti? It seems at times that if it’s not a focus of this crooked mass media it’s not in our psyche. We have to keep in mind that we are part of all the joy and suffering in this world. We have to choose to reflect on it whether or not it’s on the front page.

in other news… can someone help me think of a nickname for this decade? it’s already half over and i still don’t know what to call it. the “Millies” sounds stupid, the “2K’s” is no better. ok…i’ll shut up now

happy new year!

April 8, 2004

Am I a day late yall? I try to be consistent but we have been extra busy at exit; a lot of things to look forward to this year. I’ll mention these 2 things then I gotta get back to work.

#1 the power of worth has been on my mind lately. As we zoom further into this future that sees destroying a farm, paving it and putting up a Wal-Mart as progress, we see less and less of actual physical money… more and more of the symbols that represent it. You have as much as a blip on a screen tells you.

The responsibility falls on ourselves to define the worth of what we do. Can my worth be quantified? If so, how do I demand from the world what I feel I’m worth? How do I share my wealth? We need to collectively perceive wealth and worth through a completely different paradigm as times change.

#2 BIG EXTRA HIP HOP HOORAY shout out to the sisters at Spelman College for knowing their worth enough to organize a protest/demonstration questioning Nelly’s portrayal of women in his videos during his planned visit to their campus for a bone marrow drive. His foundation cancelled the appearance AND the drive itself. Here’s my question…What about the people who need the bone marrow transplants? I suppose to Nelly’s foundation, it wasn’t worth being questioned?

http://www.accessatlanta.com/news/content/music/0404/01nelly.html;COXnetJSessionID=A1VSexA6zuMoxZ3aN1yskMi2AKtlYLjflyz7LeIYrACk0sVohxdV!114335374?urac=n&urvf=10814477623650.22889680952613123

http://www.allhiphop.com/hiphopnews/?ID=3017

March 17, 2004

The nature of parasites is to suck.

That’s what they do. They suck, until they gorge themselves, then they fall off. If there are enough of them on you they can drain you… but remember no matter how much they suck they can never be you. They will always be suckers.

At times we get mixed up because we are surrounded by parasites, but remember who you are. Their existence relies on you being a good host, and they chose you because you are good. So don’t get confused. Take it as a complement and pluck them suckers off.

3/4/04

Fear is no excuse. The power of faith is in what you don’t see. In the book I mention “trusting the silence” and its something that we all have to learn. Seeds don’t announce their growth. They just pop up out of the ground one day, or they don’t. that’s all. Walking around the place where you planted the seed yelling at it to grow and telling people what you planted will not make it grow any faster. The illusion is that time is yours. Patience is the art of figuring out that it’s not. trees grow and never make a sound.

Feb 25, 2004

People always act like being an animal is a simple life. But think about a cheetah, for instance. They are the fastest land animal. But they never get as much props as a LION. They don’t have it as easy as a vulture. But they gotta eat.

And they don’t eat every day.

Which means that even if they are the fastest land animal in the world… they don’t *always* catch what they chase. Sometimes, the slow animals get away.

Doubt is death. You can’t afford to have an ego that says “fuck it.” You can’t afford to say, “Shit… I’m the fastest land animal in the world! Those fawns should just fall at the sight of me!” You can’t afford to while away your days posing ferociously, hoping to get picked up by a Zoo and pampered and fed for the rest of your life. No. You have to make that hunger make you want IT even more. Sometimes that might mean you have to be a scavenger, but you have to know that you were not built to fail. You were built to live.

p.s. One of the upcoming changes here at the site will be that I will blog every week. Really! Stay tuned.

feb 4th 2004

I’ve come to the conclusion that we need new heroes. The stupid/desperate things that entertainers and sports players do are the only things that seem to matter enough to make news. Why?

Recognize EVERY moment as a moment of truth, an opportunity to be a “hero”. Ask yourself honestly, are you doing what you feel you were put here to do? When you have found a solution for yourself you have given an option to the world.

Feb 2nd 2004

Selling your soul to the devil might actually be a great BUSINESS move. The only down side is you’ll have no soul.

January 26, 2004

At the MLK day festival last week, I got into a lot of conversations involving the words “they” and “we.” What I realized and mentioned in a couple of those conversations is that the power to change things can only come from changing that “we” to “I”.

For instance there was this young man that walked the entire length of the celebration very slowly with 2 scantly clad women (one black woman, one white) walking behind him. At first glance (and 2nd and 3rd and 70th) he appeared to be a pimp.

I say “appeared to be” because I don’t want to assume. Perhaps he was in a horrible fire the night before that consumed all of his clothes and the only place open before the festival was a costume shop. Perhaps the costume shop (Mid-January being so soon after Halloween) only had 3 outfits left, a pimp, a KKK member, and a clown… so he chose the less of 3 evils and came as a pimp. As for the 2 young ladies, perhaps they weren’t prostitutes at all, but his friends, who dressed up like that for moral support. Or, maybe he WAS a pimp and his miniature multiracial prostitute parade was his perverse interpretation of MLK’s dream.

What bothered me is that no one stopped him and said anything. What bothers me more is that “I” didn’t stop him. Whether or not he realized it, he made a statement that day and “I” didn’t. He’s in the back of my psyche and I’m not in his, and “I” only have me to blame. “We” must be as bold as “they.”

We/I need to start booing at poor performances

We/I need to pull poorly behaved children over and talk to them

We/I need to be less of a hermit so that people see alternatives

We/I need to need to be more pro active and practical in our day to day application of love on others,

We/I need to know that there are no small things all things matter.

The flip side of this story was that after the celebration, several teens gathered in the parking lot to battle. But not with violence – with dance!! It took me back to see that. It also took me back when I saw the po-po (police… duh) arrive. But to my surprise they looked the situation over and let it be. My wife and our homegirl went up to them and actually thanked them for treating our children like human beings. It’s important to tell po-po when they do the right thing. We need to be as bold as the truth.

jan 6th, 2004

For the first 4 nights of this year I wasn’t able to sleep. The first few nights, it was nightmares but a night ago I just couldn’t sleep. For some reason I was overwhelmed with doubt. I stayed up writing every bit of it into my journal.

The next day, after some serious meditation, a long talk with my Umi and a thorough rereading of this really cool book called Bullshit or Fertilizer, my head is on straight again.

I think what I failed to mention in the book is that “THE LEAP” is not a one shot deal. In your journey there will be many leaps, each harder than the last. I feel a shift and I’m about to make a couple of leaps this year. So perhaps that’s where all this chaos came from.

I share with you these pieces from my journal that night, only because I feel that you need to see I have doubts too. I feel that it’s just as informative for my readers to see what my doubt looks like, as it is to see my pep talks. Here are some of the highlights from my cathartic night. Enjoy:

- I remember someone telling me “sometimes you need to sit back and enjoy life” but in life it seems like being STILL is a sin. You’re not supposed to “enjoy” life, your supposed to “enjoy a movie” or “enjoy coca cola.” Consumption is meditation so I eat my words and wonder why I’m getting fat

- Part of me feels like f#%$ it. Perhaps the time has come to say “what’s so bad about giving up?” Get a regular ass J-O-B that pays me to press the buttons I’m supposed to press to get my little pellets of food. Listen to hot 97, believe what fox news tells me and watch the Oscars and believe everyone getting an award deserves one.

- Perhaps I’m not as talented as I think I am. Faith don’t pay the bills, neither does talent come to think of it.

- What makes a magician keep performing magic if he knows how all the tricks are done?

- I feel like gravity. No one ever says their prayers at night and thanks GOD (or whatever little invisible omnipotent being they believe in) for gravity. But it’s always there, invisible and working. No blockbuster movies are made about gravity. Nobody names their first born Gravity.

- I feel overlooked. I feel that the $ we get from what we do is not equivalent to the effort we put forth.

- It’s not a lack of faith in my abilities it’s a lack of faith in folks caring. The lyrics to “pop life” come to mind: “everybody can’t be on top” and that’s real. What if it’s just not my time to shine? I can actually deal with that, i just need to know.

- We are all just farting belching decaying pieces of electricaly charged hunks of flesh. That will all die. So why bother? What’s the point? Why is expession important? I knew an old lady who lived to be 100 & had alsheimers. All she could do at the end of her life was ask for apple juice while walking the length of her house butt naked. I was like damn! If you’re lucky you’ll end up like her and have kids to walk you into the next phase of existence. But my question is was her life pointless? All the achievements were only remembered once she was gone and she couldn’t remember them anyway. You can’t take it with you so…

- Hold up am I depressed? Is this depression? Lord I hope not… I don’t think I can afford it.

- I’m tired of having to explain myself. I’m tired of haters. I’m tired of paying dues. I’m tired of feeling overlooked. I’m tired of bring tired. I’m tired of caring so much about everything. I’m tired of people calling how we live “a risk and a gamble” I’m tired of proving people wrong. I’m tired of rent. I’m tired of mediocracy. I’m tired of being awake.