My wife is pro cloth diapers. Part of her reasoning is that it’s better for the environment. How it works is that there is an outer layer that’s waterproof, and the inner cloth layer that gets soiled. Then you toss that soiled diaper into a special bin. A bin full of crappy diapers… in your house. Then some one comes by once a week to pick up the crappy diapers and replace them with new ones. Like a milkman but for piss and feces. I actually met this person - he seemed to be very pleasant considering his job and I’m sure there is a special place in heaven for these people right next to the dermatologists or the sick puppies section. However I didn’t shake his hand.

My issue comes with the fact that I have a slight case of OCD when it comes to cleanliness and having a bin of excrement and cloth covered in pee is still hard for me . I mean really where do you put that. Next to the bed? The bathroom?

My wife insists it’s better than my unbleached disposable diapers and ultimately less expensive. My counter is: how can it help the environment if a separate truck that spews toxins into the air has to come and drop off/pick up these diapers… plus the cleaning agent they use to clean what I assume are hundreds of soiled diapers can’t be that natural.
I figured I’d make my argument to the one it matters the most to so here it goes

Dear “The environment”…look I’m sorry environment this is one thing I cannot be crunchy granola on. I have to throw baby doodoo away. It’s just who I am. If I didn’t do this, I wouldn’t be true to myself.

I’ve always recycled, I’ve worn hand me down clothes soon after that I discovered the joys of thrift shops. I didn’t own a TV for a long time, I carried a book bag instead of getting bags from the supermarket long before either one of those things were cool. I only started driving the end of last year and prior to that took public transportation and bikes. My car has great mileage and calling it small is giving it more credit than it deserves…my car is so small I can stick my feet out the window and stop it with my feet. We even tried that flush only if it’s a 2 thing for a while (didn’t really work out) this list goes on but look “The Environment” my footprint is Smurflike at best let me have this.

Thanks, “The environment.” I knew you’d understand.

Coming up next: you do that doo doo that you do so well