There are many things that they don’t tell you when you have a child.
Here is a short list

- they have hair on their back
- they are super ugly (more about that in another blog)
- that “baby smell” that everyone loves so much is made up of one part mothers milk 2 parts mother’s arm pit.
- they can’t read
- they never quite catch up to their color at the tips of their ears
- the first words you whisper into your child’s ear should not be “you owe me”
- a infant can squirt pee up to 40 feet in a straight line before it starts to arc
- when they start to laugh they will be your best audience because at the end of the day if you have nothing else you can just jingle your keys.

here is a stand up routine for babies that you can use.

Hey how yall doing tonight how’s everybody feeling?
(jingle keys)
There once was a man from Nantucket
(jingle keys)
3 guys walk into a bar and
(jingle keys)
you know what I hate
(jingle keys)
hey sir, i don’t come down to where you work and slap the
(jingle keys)
out of you mouth!

then go into the ethnic humor white people do it like this
(jingle keys)
and black people do it like this
(jingle keys)
ok that’s my time i’m out