From disturbing observations to oven mitt eulogies, here are the ramblings and ruminations of a writer of color as she examines the social nuances of everyday life within - and without - big city limits.

Now Playing: Lemme Ghetta
By Hamida Kinge
5-23-06

“Won Ton Phooeyyyyy” the young man says in a barely-audible tone, with an accent lifted straight out a vintage Kung-Fu flick. It’s the kind of thing he might say louder if in the presence of his friends, but right now he seems to be no more than thinking aloud, as if subconsciously singing a familiar jingle.

As he enters the Chinese take-out joint, the man — 20-something with red-brown skin and a long, sandy-colored beard — is dressed de rigeur for the
part: army fatigue jacket, white tee and shin-length, wide-legged jeans accented by construction Tims.

He heads for the foggy, plexiglass window and upon reaching it, says wryly to the cashier, “Lemme  Ghetta Philly Blunt.”

The long-beard-short-pants combo suggests he may be Muslim, so I let out an internal cackle when I hear glass bottles clank in his heavy, paper-lined plastic bag; I know he just came from the liquor store next door.

Then I imagine a sign in neon lights:

Now playing at Chinese take-out joints across the
country: ‘Lemme Ghetta: A Real-life Rendition of the Mayhem That Ensues When Leroy Meets Lee.’

As he begins to play the role oft seen in this setting, same plot and same dialogue, I wonder when characters like these will grow obsolete – or just plain grow. But, like Groundhog Day, this scene will likely play out, with different faces, in the same fashion for years to come.

Lemme  Ghetta carelessly puts his heavy bag down, and I hear the sound of glass bursting. I think, “ha ha, that’s what you ‘Get - ta.’ ” Because he blundered in front of me (I’m the only person present for the show), he tries to appear as if the bottle breakage only bothers him a li’l bit.

When the cashier is unsure what box the customer is referring to, Lemme  says what sounds like, “Mao, right there,” pointing curtly to the Philly Blunt box.

“Did you just call him Mao??” I ask defensively, wondering if I’m just hearing things. Part of me is half-impressed that this seemingly ignorant brother might even know who Mao is. But that’s canceled out by my disappointment  in the context with which he uses the name.

I get all Eracism Superhero in my head, preparing a quick & loud comeback in case he gets loud with me.
Internally, I justify this by considering that, if he were white, I’d have certainly cussed him out for having the nerve to mimic the Chinese.

But Lemme doesn’t get loud with me.

“Naw, naw I didn’t,” he answers, “but I just called you cutey.” Perhaps, in a distorted Pavlovian way, my last ten years of exposure to the Lemme  Gettas of the city has prompted me to hear a “Mao” where there was none. Was I typecasting this brother to be hostile when he was acting the only way he knew how? And did that, in turn, mean I was just as programmed as he was?

But more importantly, is this what he thinks the prime setting for playful flirtation with a female?!  What, with the tattered chairs, wobbly tables, and scummy floor? It quickly becomes apparent that he doesn’t require classy grounds to be the arbiter of “game.”

It’s been a long, tiring day and I’m too spent to look in his direction. I’ve gotten my point across, Mao or no Mao. If only momentarily, maybe Lemme will have something to chew on at home besides his Philly Blunt, and so all is fair and good in the world again. Or at least in the Chinese take-out joint. Until the next customer rolls in, ready to be cast in the Lemme Getta saga.

All I want now is for my soup to be ready before the thunderstorm encroaches. So I just pretend not to hear him and look as though in deep thought. (The “deep thought” technique comes in handy at times.)

“But I just called you cutey,” he repeats a little louder, winking at me as he walks toward the scratch-and-dent-ridden plexiglass door, as if patting himself proverbially on the back for what he is convinced is the invention of verbal ingenuity.

And…………….end scene.